Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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