I wish I only lived at night.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Someone signed my nipple.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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