plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying