After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
