it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She's allergic to latex.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.