she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
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