tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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