whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
