Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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