Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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