I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
