the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do vagina's smell?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
