More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
