don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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