I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
