did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
