The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
