Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
