Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i think i just lost a toe
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
