my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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