were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
