We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is pants optional.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
