So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
