I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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