i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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