just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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