There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
