North Korea, Best Korea!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
