i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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