when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
