hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
