yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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