its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
