is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
