I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
