Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
