I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
