Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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