my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
