if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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