Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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