i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We have started to decorate penises.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
