Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
