It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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