u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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