i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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