dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
