You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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