Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
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dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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