yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
