The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
