Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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