I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
