So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
