Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
