u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
