Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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