even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
