Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
