I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
