hell yes lets make some ravioli
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
