I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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