you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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