There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
