everyone is single if you try hard enough
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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