I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
