This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize