If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
