There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
