Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
