Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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