you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
