i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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