Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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