You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
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I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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