i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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