Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
