Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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