Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
